Rollercoaster of a Day (With a Happy Ending)
Today was a rollercoaster of emotions. If you're not a friend of mine on Facebook, let me fill you in first with my posts from today. Stick around until the end to learn all about cysts. Ha!
POSTED 10am
I have a pretty urgent prayer request, friends.
I had my baseline sonogram this morning and I have a cyst on an ovary, which means I was not cleared to start an IUI cycle this month yet. (I also have EIGHT FOLLICLES ) I have no history of cysts and I wasn’t expecting this news, so it’s a lot to process. If the cyst is estrogen-producing I can’t proceed and have to take a month (or more depending on when it dissipates) off. If it’s not estrogen-producing then we can proceed. My doctor also thinks I have a good chance at now using my own eggs for IVF- something she told me was pretty much a 0% chance back when I first got my diagnosis. This is great and exciting news, but a lot to process. I’m responding much better than she expected to the meds and supplements.
I’ll know this afternoon the results of my blood work for the cyst, and thus what we are looking at for this month.
I don’t really know what to want. On one hand, a month off sounds nice- but not this month. I want a summer month off when I can travel and visit people and not have to worry about work, appointments, or injections. I realize this is all out of my hands.
I don’t really know what to think (thank goodness I have therapy today). If you pray, please pray specifically for a non-estrogen producing cyst, so we can decide if we want to proceed or pause on our own terms. And if you’d rather just throw out some good vibes or baby dust, we’ll gladly accept that, too.
POSTED 6pm
UPDATE!!!! Thank you everyone for your comments, messages, hugs, prayers, and good vibes.
My doctor called this afternoon with maybe the best news we’ve received thus far.
First and foremost, the cyst is non-estrogen producing. I have officially been cleared for my third round of IUI and start meds tonight. I’ve never been more thankful or excited for a hormone injection in my life.
Second, I have EIGHT follicles to start this cycle- the most we’ve ever had to begin. My doctor now feels confident that I’m a good candidate for IVF. We now have a plan B. To be honest, I feel like we’ve always had a plan B- adoption, which I’ll talk about another time, but it is something that with each day we feel more and more called to do at some point in our life- but now we have a plan B for having a biological child, and I’m incredibly grateful for that.
My day didn’t start so hot, but I’m ending the day with a whole lot more to be thankful for- more (after my diagnosis) than I ever thought to ask for or hope for.
Thank you again for following our journey, friends. Bradford and I cannot thank y’all enough.
I feel like I experienced so many emotions today. Excitement when I was told I could do IVF, hope when I was told I had 8 follicles, then complete anger and sadness when I was told (not more than 1 minute after the previous two statements) that I had a cyst.
Boy did I learn a lot about cysts today. haha.
For starters, follicles are, in essence, a cyst. A cyst is basically just a fluid filled sac. A follicle is a fluid filled sack that an egg happens to grow in. When you start each new fertility cycle, you begin with a baseline sonogram. This sees how many follicles you have, measures them and other things like the size of your uterus, the thickness of the lining, etc. Technology is just amazing that it's able to do all this, via computer clicks, from one skinny (not so fun) sonogram wand pushed inside you. Follicles are measured so you can track how much they are growing and know when they reach maturity to trigger ovulation and plan your IUI procedure. When a follicle measures too large in this baseline sonogram, it can cause worry to your doctor because it has the potential to be a bad cyst (since follicles are also cysts). What makes an ovarian cyst bad you ask? Well, some cysts are estrogen producing. It's a very delicate balance of hormones to provide the right environment for an egg to be released, fertilized, implanted (and all that other amazing science-y stuff in between). As you take hormone injections leading up to ovulation you are essentially "feeding" your follicles with a hormone cocktail to grow and mature. You have no control over which follicles get that "food", so you have to make sure you're only "feeding" good things... aka, not a bad cyst. Feeding a cyst can make them bigger (obviously) and more powerful/detrimental to your body. Estrogen producing cysts give off estrogen in your body, thus messing with the delicate hormone cocktail you need to create that baby-making environment I mentioned. So... before you can get cleared to begin the hormones and go forward with your IUI, they need to check for cysts, and then, if they find one, they test your estrogen levels to make sure your cyst is not estrogen-producing.
So, after I got my news, I was told we'd make the call tonight to see how we would move forward. I went and gave my billionth blood draw (I've still never watched even ONE of them hahah- I'm talking my entire life here). That blood went off to the lab and they determined that my estrogen levels were normal, and therefore they could conclude that my cyst was NOT estrogen-producing and bada bing bada boom I was cleared for take off for IUI number 3!
I started my meds tonight. We are repeating the exact same cocktail as last time. I feel good about this. My body responded well. It did what it was supposed to do. Perfectly healthy women who are 31 only have a 17-19% chance PER MONTH of conceiving. Just because my IUI didn't work does not mean we did anything wrong. My body responded the best it ever has, so I feel confident moving forward that we found something good and just need to give it another go. Additionally, we now have the blessing of a plan B- IVF. We have a consultation with my doctor and the finance team next week to discuss IVF so we are prepared to move forward should this IUI not work.
I'm very thankful we have this plan B, but to be completely honest, I felt peace and faith (and still do) that we would be able to become pregnant through IUI. I'm glad we have this "security" knowing we have an alternate plan, but I'm not ready to give up on my body with IUI just yet.
I'll have my next sonogram to track progress on Saturday. Until then I'll be guzzling my pomegranate juice and raspberry leaf tea to thicken my lining and make it the cushiest comfiest little cloud for Baby Z. As always, thank you for your prayers and well-wishes. I sure do appreciate you!
PS: I've chosen this verse/ picture because I had this verse shared with me by 3 different people today. I'm choosing to see that as a sign that God wants me to really pay attention to this. I had been told that IVF wasn't an option and I wouldn't have enough eggs to maybe even do IUI. What's funny (in a sad way) is I never second guessed it. I was open to seeing another doctor for a second opinion should we get to the "end" with no baby, but I just went on with my life, praying to God to make the things I knew and had better- not ever thinking to pray for the things I was told I couldn't/wouldn't have. I love that this has been shared with me multiple times today. I think that means something- God wants me to know that he can accomplish so much more than I even know to pray for- and I'm a-okay with that.
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