Playing Catch-Up: IUI Number 3

Well, it turns out I have been majorly slacking on updating this blog. To be quite honest, May hit me like a ton of bricks. Going through my 3rd IUI cycle and wrapping up the school year was just too much at times. If you're a friend of mine on FB, you've likely already read these updates, but I wanted to share them here just in case.

Thanks for taking the time to catch up with me!

Originally posted via Facebook on May 12, 2021

Yesterday we had an IVF consult to make our “plan B” and I also had a follow up sonogram for my IUI. Everything is progressing well. I’m responding just as good, if not better, to the meds this month. We have 4 follicles that should be mature come IUI time (Friday or Saturday). Aaannndd my cyst appears to be completely GONE! I have another appointment tomorrow to measure everything and decide when the third IUI will be.

It’s been a difficult week- with lots to process- and two totally different mindsets. On the one hand, I’m very excited and thankful to have a “plan B”, but on the other hand, I don’t want to focus TOO much on IVF that I make myself believe that this IUI won’t be successful. (I strongly believe in the power of a positive mindset) Obviously the best case scenario is that this IUI is THE ONE and we don’t even need our backup plan we’re making. Y’all know I find so much comfort in a plan, so I’m having to be extra-intentional with my mindset these days and honestly, that’s exhausting. I have to remind myself to be present in the moment and not worry/ fixate on the past or future. So. Hard.

I’m so thankful for all your prayers and positive messages. On my hardest days, y’all make it a little easier. Each day I’m learning to give myself more grace and your messages help that.

Y’all know that my therapist and I find a lesson in each cycle. It really helps me to see that even though future baby Z isn’t here yet, he/she is already teaching me...

IUI 1- Hope IUI 2- Surrender IUI 3- Grace

And as much as it hurts to wait, I’m very grateful for the life lessons my future child is teaching me, and I feel like I’ll be a better person and mother on the other side of this.

Originally posted via Facebook on May 15, 2021.

Today was IUI day! Third times a charm, right?

Third IUI was bright and early this morning! Unless we’re at Disney World, Bradford and I aren’t morning people, so here we are on our way to dinner tonight instead.

Today was great! * Felt totally refreshed and at peace when I woke up * We Jammed to NSYNC the whole way there to ease the nerves (the fact that Bradford knows every word makes my heart so happy) * Jammed to BSB the whole way back bc we like to evenly distribute our boy band love * Had Chick-fil-A breakfast to celebrate * Got my favorite Starbucks drink on the way home (and YOU GUYS. Our barista noticed my paperwork on my lap and asked if I was doing IVF. She informed me that Starbucks pays for over 80% of her IVF! Way to go Starbucks . She also said they’re hiring and you only need 20 hours to get full benefits. #tempting) * Relaxed and caught up on all my shows * Finished a book * Took a walk and soaked up the sunshine * Meditated (still feels funny but I’m getting more used to it ha)

Now we’re off to dinner and feeling positive and hopeful! We had four mature follicles! The biggest ones I have ever grown ha. For the very first time my doctor actually said “now it’s a small chance, but a chance, that you could have multiples.” Of course, we’re just praying for one healthy baby, but we will gladly (and shockingly) take as many as God blesses us with. The physically hard part is over, and now comes the mentally hard part- the two week wait. Keep those prayers and good vibes going! These next 14 days are THE MOST important for baby Z to come to be!

Originally posted via Facebook on May 28, 2021.

I’m getting really tired of bad news. Our third IUI was unsuccessful. My cycle started this morning, and my gut instinct changed from positive to negative late last weekend, so while we were not surprised at this news, it was no less devastating. Typically I take my pregnancy results day off of work, but seeing as this was my last contract day, I went. It was not pretty- now I can add “closing out” a classroom (aka packing for the summer) through tears to my life experience list.

This last hour has been an absolute whirlwind. We got the call about my results and then had a very small window to make the decision to proceed with IVF. I start tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. We have so much to process and I’m feeling incredibly scared and overwhelmed. And so so so exhausted. Depending on the results of our retrieval we will determine when we want to do the transfer. If all goes well, and we have several frozen embryos, that will provide us with peace of mind to potentially transfer after an emotional break.

I know there are so many prayer warriors and good vibe friends who see my updates, so please keep at it. Additionally, if you’ve had IVF I would love to know if you did embryo genetic testing or not. This is something our doctor said we did not need, but we may still opt for it to have that peace of mind. I would love to hear from friends who have been in this boat. Feel free to send me a personal message if you’d feel more comfortable sharing privately.

I’m not to the point of being excited yet. I’m grieving a loss and beginning a new chapter of this same heartbreaking story that I want to stop reading. A chapter I feel I know nothing about. I know there are some positives that doing IVF vs IUI can have for us, but today I’m allowing myself to feel this pain and just be. Thank you for your prayers. Bradford and I appreciate you all.