Mental Health & Infertility

On day 4 of National Infertility Awareness Week I want to address an important component of infertility to me- mental health.

I’m a firm believer that everyone is put on this earth with a purpose. Something that has helped bring me peace is this hard time is shifting my mindset from “everything happens for a reason” to “you’re not pregnant now because the baby boy or girl you’re meant to mother can’t come yet. If they come now, they won’t be able to fulfill their purpose. The world needs them later.” I’m also trying to look at it from a selfless point of view. Infertility feels so unfair and it’s so easy to say "why her and not me", etc. I’m trying very hard to not make it about “me” but about my baby boy or girl. It’s not always easy- I’ve lived the last 31 years being selfish, not in the sense we’re used to hearing that word, but more so meaning I haven’t had to really put someone else’s wants and needs constantly before my own. (I know that is part of marriage, but I mean specifically the type of selflessness you must show when you’re a parent).

Some days the positivity comes easily, and others it’s really hard. Dealing with so many emotions at once is overwhelming all by itself, so when you toss injections and hormones in, things start to get hairy.

I’ve always been a huge supporter of therapy/ counseling. Heck, at one point in my life I even considered getting my masters in school counseling. Outside of two “tune up” marriage counseling appointments Bradford and I did back in Oklahoma to help us get through a rough patch, I’ve never personally seen a professional. It was a little hard to make that first call to schedule an appointment- I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. I felt like, “put your big pants on and get through this, Courtney.” The truth is, life isn’t meant to always be like that. Sure we will have our moments where we need to be an adult and do the dang thing, but there’s also times throughout our life that we aren’t meant to get through it alone. If you’re thinking “that’s what my *insert friend or spouse name here* is for,” I get it, but they can only do so much. You wouldn’t go to your spouse to help you through your stabbing chest pain, or when you fall and break a bone, so it’s time we treat our mental health the same way- guilt and shame free.

I can confidently and shamelessly say that I see my therapist weekly. I cry, I laugh, I curse, I dream, I even have a pity party on that couch with leopard print pillows (I mean, HELLLOO this therapist is CLEARLY the one for me 😂). I share this because there will always be hard times in life, and sometimes they are hard times you can handle, and other times they are hard times that you can BUT SHOULDN’T navigate alone. I really wish as a country we valued and prioritized mental health more. Therapy shouldn’t be a word or idea we’re ashamed to use. This stigma has to go away. You’re not broken or worthless or not good enough if you seek help. No, you’re strong and wise.

I didn’t intend for this post to turn into what is has, but add this to the lessons I’ve learned from infertility- Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength. You can do hard things, but you don’t have to do them trapped in your mind alone with all your thoughts. So while it fills my cup when y’all message me or comment about my bravery or strength, please know that I’m receiving lots of help to be this way- and you can, too.

PS: If you're battling infertility or infant loss in the Dallas area I have an amazing grief counselor/therapist to recommend. She (unfortunately) gets it. Believe me.