Infertility, Grief, & Mother’s Day

Grief is a weird thing. It really sucks. I hate how it changes every minute of every day and you never know what to expect. One second, you’re completely fine and smiling, and the next you’re swallowed up by anger and despair. It’s so hard to understand, and sometimes it’s hard to allow myself to grieve. I find myself comparing my circumstances to those of my friends who “have had it worse” and feel like my pain isn’t deserving of the time and space I take. It’s taken me months to realize that’s simply just not true and to give myself (and others) grace.

I started sharing my infertility journey with you all earlier this year with a post that talked about how everyone was fighting a battle and to always be kinder than necessary. I’ve always believed the saying, and still stand by those thoughts, but this year I feel like I truly FEEL and understand it.

I’ve dreaded today all week. The marketing emails, store sales and signs, greeting card aisle, matching mama and mini shirts- it’s all been plastered everywhere leading up to today and has felt like one big “look what you don’t have” message. Two years ago on this day I was excited and hopeful I’d be celebrating soon as a mother since we knew starting our family was a priority. Last year, I felt discouraged but told myself “next year it will be you”. This year...well, y’all know where I am this year. 😔

I guess my point of this is to re-emphasize my initial sentiment of be kinder than necessary because everyone you see is fighting some kind of battle. But also to speak to the brave battle-fighters out there who are hurting or uncertain today. Battles and grief aren’t meant to be compared. Your feelings are valid. Your battle is hard because it’s happening to you. Your grief is your grief in the exact same way that your hope is your hope.

While today can be a time to celebrate, there are also so many people who don’t feel like celebrating, or celebrate with mixed feelings for a variety of difficult reasons. Whether today is a day of joy, pain, hope, grief- or even a mixture of emotions- I see you. You matter and you are loved. 💕

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