Goliath of a Needle

We got our second round of results and baby Z is a little over achiever! Not only were my first round levels super high, but they’ve more than doubled now.

We are so grateful and feel very encouraged by this news. My clinic went ahead and booked my first sonogram two weeks out since we are doing so well!

It has been such a special couple of days to share this news with you all. It still feels like a dream. Your messages and comments are so kind and so appreciated. Thank you.

I have a special prayer request to add for myself. I’ve started to have a lot of numbness in my legs and lower back. It seems we’ve hit a nerve during my injections (not super common, but not unheard of). For some women, this numbness goes away in a couple days, weeks, or months. I know others who have a 2 year old and still have the numbness. Some have permanent nerve damage.

A little IVF education for y’all…

The needle on the right for “IVF” is what the needles look like in your injections leading up to your egg retrieval. This shot is subcutaneous, which means it goes into fat and not super deep. I took 3-4 injections this size a day into my stomach. Your trigger shot is larger than this, but not the Goliath on the left…

The needle on the left is for “FET” (Fetal Embryo Transfer). This bad boy is intramuscular, which means it goes through the fat, deep into the muscle, to deliver hormones fast into your blood stream. I took this shot daily for 9 days leading up to my transfer and will take it daily for up to 10 weeks of my pregnancy. Some days it’s painless (crazy, right?). Others I legit scream in pain and cry as Bradford pushes a thick oil through this needle for what feels like a lifetime. Given the size of this thing, it’s no wonder some women experience nerve damage (temporary or permanent).

I think to some people “getting pregnant” seems like the “happy ending” for women going through infertility, but this isn’t the case at all. Yes, it’s a huge relief and a huge, exciting time, but the hormones and injections still continue. The monitoring still continues. All of my hormone levels are monitored closely to make sure everything is progressing normally for my non-normal, high-risk pregnancy. Some women “graduate” from these daily injections (and hormone pills, not pictured) in as little as 5 weeks. Others go their entire first trimester with this hormonal support. These hormones essentially tell my body I’m pregnant, so you can imagine the fear women experience coming off of these. “Will my body will know I’m pregnant?” “Will my body do what it’s made to do now?” Etc. Outside of hormones and things we face with infertility, there’s all the normal worries that are associated with pregnancy, too. I obviously don’t take any day of my pregnancy for granted, but I also understand that nothing is promised in life.

My entire goal of sharing my journey has always been to shed light on infertility and help explain what’s going on behind the “I’m fine” smile and response you see daily. Yes, we’re so excited we are pregnant, but no, we’re not fine. We’re actually bruised and in pain and dealing with numbness and a whole slew of other things on top of normal first trimester woes and worries. Being an infertility warrior doesn’t stop when you get a positive pregnancy test. To be honest, I don’t think it ever stops. It’s forever a part of you— regardless of your outcome or whether or not you’re still a human pin cushion. Regardless of the baby in your dreams, belly, arms, or clouds, infertility is forever a part of your story. It changes you. And while I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, I truly do believe it’s changed me for the better.