A Special Shoutout to My Person

There are many reasons why I love Bradford, but how he’s walked this journey of infertility with me tops them all and solidifies why he’s my person.

Our story is quite different from many others who have been down this road before because we’re doing this in the middle of a pandemic. From the beginning, Bradford hasn’t been allowed in the building where I see my doctor. It was very scary at first, but I can honestly say now, it’s all I know. It almost feels weird to imagine him at the appointments with me now because I accepted that he couldn’t be. When we started, and I was a crazy ball of emotions, Bradford would drive me to my appointments & wait in the car. I’d rush out afterwards with papers and charts and results and tell him everything. This really messed with my ability to process what my doctor was telling me at my appointments because my job couldn’t be to FEEL the results. I had to stay strong and hear and remember every last detail so I could share them with Bradford immediately after. The only time Bradford has been to my doctor with me was once before my last egg retrieval when we both had to be present to sign a huge packet of consents. Fortunately, he was allowed inside for my egg retrieval, too.

From the get-go Bradford stepped up and was there to help me in any way he could. Researching nutrition for fertility, driving across town at a moments notice when we needed a sterile lab to mix a new med for me that I needed for THAT night, talking to insurance companies (and somehow not losing it on them when they all said nothing was covered), holding me while I bawled and yelled it’s not fair, and sitting next to me at therapy. He learned acupressure points for fertility, prays with me every night, and has taken on pretty much every household chore to try to take anything off my plate. Every night, while doing my acupressure points, he sings NSYNC and BSB to me because he knows how much I love boy bands and it’s one sure way to make my day end on a good note.

When we first got my diagnosis, we were in shock, but I never once questioned whether Bradford would be here for me or stick around. I’ll never ever forget that first week after I went public with our infertility struggles the messages I received. They were all kind, but a couple really stuck out and broke my heart. Women telling me how lucky I was that my husband was staying with me because they went through this and theirs walked away. I broke down and straight up asked Bradford if he would ever leave me over this and, in true Bradford fashion, he said no with a lot of f bombs.

Bradford wakes up early every morning to mix my injections and administer them. He does the same thing every night. I’ve never once given myself a shot, and I don’t plan on it. Yes, I know I can. Yes, I know a lot of women do. But for us, this is one way Bradford can be involved, and one less thing I have to think about.

Bradford doesn’t complain… about really anything in life ha—Which is good because I complain enough for the both of us. He’s gentle and kind and hilarious and so loving and caring. I already knew these things about him, but infertility has shown me more. I’ve heard so many women say they fall even more in love with their husbands after they see them with their children, but I can honestly say that I’ve fallen more in love with Bradford throughout this, the most difficult part of my life.

Infertility is hard on couples for lots and lots of reasons, but it’s especially hard because each spouse feels and processes differently. Women get checked up on from friends, asked how they’re doing, offered special things/ ways to help. This doesn’t typically happen for the male. I’m very aware that I’m the one physically going through infertility, but that doesn’t mean Bradford isn’t either. I think in some cases it can be harder for the spouse because sometimes all they can do is watch their loved one go through all these changes and hurt and emotional highs and lows, and no matter what they say or do, they can’t change what’s happening. They can’t take your hurt away. So, if you know a couple going through infertility, this is my PSA to check in on BOTH spouses every once in a while, because it sucks for the husband (or same sex partner not physically going through the process themselves), too.

Bradford and I are not really a mushy gushy couple (I mean, we prefer locking ourselves in haunted buildings to hunt for ghosts over romantic getaways ) and PDA and “appreciation posts” just aren’t really our style (heck, Bradford hasn’t even checked his Facebook in probably 2+ years ), but we are one hell of a team, and I’ve never been loved more. & for that I am eternally grateful.